Most of us have no trouble finding someone to date or be in a relationship with, but how to find true love is a different story.
What do I mean when I say true love?
I mean the one. True love is about finding your soul mate. The man you want to live your life with, have stood by your side when all your dreams come true and build a fantastic partnership with.
True love is finding that person who accepts you for who you are and gets you in a way that most people don’t. They love you for your gifts and flaws, and each day they challenge you to grow and reach your highest potential.
If you’re here, chances are you want to know how to find a love like this. Some of us search for it our entire lives but don’t realize there are steps you can take to turbo-charge your chances of finding it.
Here’s how to find true love in 7 simple steps.
1. Build your sexy confidence.
Research in a recent study has shown that a staggering 79% of women lack confidence in different areas of their lives. And if you lack confidence in one area, chances are you’ll lack confidence in every other area too, including your love life.
I’m not going to tell you I understand what it’s like to be a woman growing up and the immense pressure you face every day to be and look perfect—because I don’t. And I’m aware that men don’t suffer from this same scrutiny. Chances are this has a lot to do with low levels of confidence and self-esteem amongst girls and women.
But what I can tell you is how to boost your confidence today, no matter where you’re starting. Because when you love yourself, and you’re comfortable and confident in your skin, that energy radiates from you, and it’s super sexy.
Firstly, make peace with your dating disasters and past relationships. We’ve all had them, but why let those bring you down and hold you back from finding true love? Next time your inner mean girl starts criticizing you, shut her down, and replace those negative thoughts with empowering ones.
For example, if you start thinking, “why would they like me when there are so many other gorgeous women out there,” replace that with, “why wouldn’t they like me? I’m brilliant!”
The second thing you can do is remind yourself why you’re so fabulous. Seriously. Spend 10 minutes writing down all the things you love about yourself, everything you’ve achieved so far, and everything you want to celebrate. When you’re done, read it back to yourself and take it all in.
The thing about confidence is that you have to continue to work on and build each day. So try and take one small step each day towards a more confident you.
Here are some other ideas to boost your confidence:
- Get a makeover
- Join a dance class
- Invest in a dating or confidence coach
- Make eye contact and smile at a stranger
- Go on a solo road trip or holiday
- Write down all your limiting beliefs (and where they originate from) and create new, positive ones that support you.
2. How to find true love: Create your love vision.
The next step is to reflect on the kind of man and relationship that is right for you and the future you want to create.
This step is crucial because I can give you all the relationship advice in the world, but it won’t make the slightest difference if you’re choosing the wrong guy. Plus, if you don’t know what you want, how can you possibly start looking for it?
Here are some essential qualities to look for in a man if you want to find true love and a relationship that lasts:
He’s always there for you.
Even when it’s inconvenient for him because that’s what a relationship is all about. You can count on each other’s support. This shows he is husband material.
He is kind and compassionate.
Not just to you, but everyone, including total strangers. The way a guy treats someone he’s getting nothing from will tell you everything you need to know about his real character.
He shares similar beliefs and values to you.
It’s essential to align on the big things in life. For example, if he smokes and you hate smoking, that will be a problem if you eventually move in together. And if you want to get married but he doesn’t, that could be a deal breaker in the future. Find out if you share the same values sooner rather than later.
He sees you as his partner.
I mean, he sees you as an equal. He respects you and doesn’t see you as subservient to him. Unfortunately, some guys are stuck in a toxic masculine mindset where they believe men are superior to women. Avoid guys like this like the plague.
He communicates with you.
Communication is perhaps the most crucial skill you have to master for any relationship to thrive. You need a man who opens up to you and tells you how he’s feeling. You also need him to communicate with love and respect, even when he’s angry or frustrated. That’s a keeper right there.
He wants to make you happy.
You can tell when a guy cares enough to make you happy. He feels awful when you’re upset. He shows his love for you in gestures, both big and small, and goes the extra mile for you when you least expect it. Every day he puts in the effort to nurture your relationship.
Here are some key questions to ask yourself:
- What kind of life do you want to live?
- What kind of man do you want to be with
- Make a list of what you want and need and why.
3. Start meeting quality men.
Now you’ve done the work on your love vision, next on our little love steps is where to start meeting the man you’ve described.
This is the part where you become more deliberate about where you’re going, the men you’re meeting, and how you’re interacting with them.
So, where can you meet a great guy?
To be honest, anywhere. There are great guys all over the place, just waiting to meet an amazing woman like you.
Here are some ideas if you’re not sure where to meet men:
- Volunteer somewhere
- Walk a dog in your local park
- Try a local class or workshop
- Say hey to an attractive man at the grocery store
- Head to a live gig
- Visit an art gallery or museum
- Attend a wedding
- Go on a retreat
- Reconnect with someone you went to school with
- Go to a comedy show
- Head to a cozy bookstore
- Go to a sporting event
- Sign up for a paid dating website or app
If you find you don’t have many opportunities to meet great men, you may need to start saying yes more and putting yourself out there. Breaking out of your routine is a brilliant way to have new experiences and increase your chances of finding true love.
So what about when you meet a great man—what’s the secret to making sure you make a great first impression?
Here are my flirting tips that are guaranteed to grab his attention and leave him wanting more:
Make eye contact and smile. Be playful and make a joke. Listen to what he’s saying and respond. Position your body towards him. If it feels right, compliment him.
If you feel like you need to brush up on your flirting skills, try them out on a random guy you’re not attracted to. This will take the pressure off and help you build your confidence. When Mr. Right comes along, you’ll be ready.
4. Qualify your dating options.
Step 4 of how to find true love is all about accepting dates and exploring new connections.
The way to approach this is to take your place in the driver’s seat and remember that you are seeing whether these guys match your love vision.
When it comes to going on dates, start looking at them as an adventure instead of a chore. Dating can be fun and exciting, but you have to approach it the right way. Don’t go in with any expectations other than enjoy getting to know someone new and brush up on your dating skills. But keep your love vision in the back of your mind.
Make the date about him instead of you. Doing this will help you relax and stop worrying about what you’re doing and saying, and help you get to know him.
Don’t treat it like a job interview, but do ask questions, and don’t play it safe with only small talk. This won’t help you learn anything about him to help you figure out if you’re compatible.
If a man isn’t suitable for you, don’t be afraid to be honest about that and move on to the next guy. Continuing to see a guy you know isn’t quite right for you will only keep you from finding the one. Plus, when you go against what you want, you’re dishonoring yourself and your values, which is unhealthy and will lead to a loss of confidence and a loss of self.
When you do meet an amazing man who ticks all your boxes, never chase him. Don’t play games, but let him pursue you. Men love the hunt—it’s far more satisfying having to work for something and finally winning the prize than being handed it on a plate. So let him come to you. Don’t be too available.
This is how to find true love that lasts.
5. How to find true love: Pace the progression of your connections.
By now, you’ll be talking to and dating multiple men and exploring your options. You’re already taking things slow, but this is when you slow things down even further.
Because time is crucial when deciding if a man is worth giving up your single status and becoming exclusive.
If you’ve just met someone, limit the amount of time you spend messaging them and going on dates. Less is more ladies.
No more than two dates a week, and don’t engage in all-day/all-night texting marathons. You need to break things up and give yourself space to process how you feel about him. If you’re continually talking to him or in his company, you’ll be on an endless emotional high, and this will cloud your judgment. You might overlook critical information about who this man is and whether the relationship will last.
If you want to find true love, focus on building a relationship slowly. All healthy, successful partnerships have this in common. Let the attraction build slowly. There’s no rush. If it’s all fireworks and grand gestures and you can’t keep your hands off each other at the start, it usually ends up simmering out; and one person (usually the woman) ends up getting hurt.
This is because you’re letting your heart lead the way, and you’re ignoring your head. But at the start, your head will help you think logically and rationally and prevent you from choosing emotionally unavailable men or ignoring giant red flags. Your heart might think the bad boy who’s out on parole and picks you up on his motorbike is dreamy, even when he has flat-out told you he isn’t looking for anything serious. But your head knows better.
So when you’re dating someone new, listen to your head, and remain as objective as possible.
You’ll thank yourself for it later.
6. Set boundaries for a committed relationship.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
—Brené Brown, bestselling author.
Here are a few examples of a person with weak boundaries:
- People pleasing
- Saying yes when you want to say no
- Settling for less than you deserve
- Putting others needs before yours
- Never knowing where you stand
- Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted
- Losing your sense of self in a relationship
Once you’ve met someone who matches your love vision and you’ve taken your time to build your connection gradually, you’re ready to make things exclusive.
Committing to being exclusive is the first boundary in any relationship and an important one to set. Without these clear boundaries, neither of you will know where you stand, and you’re setting yourself up for failure.
So, do you think you’re ready to have “the talk?”
Relationship expert April Masini says this conversation should happen between three to six months of dating. This gives you both enough time to date different people and decide you want to be monogamous.
You’ll know it’s time to have the exclusive talk because you won’t be able to stop thinking about it. You keep finding yourself drawn back to this man, and your mind will be wondering where this is going. Remember, it’s okay to take control and ask for what you want. If the time feels right for you, don’t wait for him to bring it up—this goes for anything you want in life. The worst that can happen is he says no or that he’s not there yet.
But remember to watch out for signs he’s stalling. If he’s taking more than a month or two to get to the place you’re at, move on.
Once you’ve both agreed to be exclusive, proceed with caution. Continue to go slowly, and take your time building your relationship. Give him time to adjust to this new label, and gradually introduce him as your partner to your loved ones.
7. Align the relationship with a shared life vision.
This is our final step on how to find true love. Once you’re in a committed relationship and are deeply in love with this man, it’s time to start building a shared life vision together.
This is known as relationship alignment, which centers on a constant stream of communication between you. The Gottman Institute has researched this topic and pinpointed some key ways that couples can create a shared life vision.
Create daily or weekly rituals of connection.
Making time to spend doing things you both love together is a great way to keep your connection strong and healthy. It would help if you had a “thing” that is yours that you commit to doing. Maybe that’s running together, having pizza Fridays, or volunteering in your community together.
It doesn’t matter what it is along as it brings you both joy and allows you to enjoy each other’s company. If you don’t have a thing, start exploring some new activities today.
Talk about your dreams and shared vision.
Talking about your dreams requires mutual trust, courage, and creativity. You should both feel safe and comfortable, sharing your deepest desires. And couples who do this regularly are more likely to be happy in their partnership.
Set aside time to do this together. You might do this each month or at the start of a new year, then regularly check in to see your progress. While you’ll both have individual dreams, you both must agree on your shared goals and vision.
Implement your shared goals.
Talking is one thing, but doing is another. If you want to make sure you’re implementing your shared goals, it’s vital to set aside time for this alongside your other commitments.
Remember, these goals don’t have to be huge. It could be something small like ensuring you have breakfast together and talk about your day ahead. Having a weekly date night or going to bed at the same time. It all comes down to what’s important to you as a couple and working towards that together.
Conclusion: That’s how to find true love in 7 simple steps!
Follow these steps, and you’ll be on your way to finding real love that lasts a lifetime.
You see, true love isn’t reserved for special people. It’s possible for us all, and we all deserve to experience a love like this. Most of the time, we are the ones standing in our way and closing ourselves off from finding the love that we crave.
This ends today, ladies. If you want to find true love, it’s out there waiting for you.
What do you struggle with most when it comes to finding love? Have you tried these seven simple steps out, and how have they worked for you?
Let us know in the comments below!
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